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February 01 Home Dairy--updatingAfter 20 hrs long flight, I finally got home. The flight was absolutely horrible. Had 2 pay $ 200 2 get on the plane, I am telling u, some sad women have issues at home wiz their husband or woteva lesbain partners, so they cum 2 work n pick on poor students. The flight was 1 hr late, I got on the palne at 2am, cd nt get any sleep as I was sick on da way, and finaly I got to BeiJing but I got told that they lost one of my bags in HongKong. so there I was in Beijing, had 2 wait 4 hrs 4 them 2 transfer my bag back to BeiJing.... Anyway...I HATE travelling!!!!
Dad, grandma, n cousins were at TaiYuan airport 2 pick me up.It was a great feeling 2 c them standiing out there, I knew I was finally HOME. Dad cooked my favourate dish with grandma n cousins,I didnt eat much at all, cos my stomach was still feeling unsettled, but I feel happy. I love dad's cooking, I love 2 c everyone again, one of the cousins has got a babe boy already, he is actually 2, he's got da most beautiful smile I have seen in yrs, so innocent... I was exausted as I didnt sleep for hrs, but I cd nt stop talking, all the things.. weather in TaiYuan,my horrible flight,my plan,the food I wana eat....dad was simling quitely all the time, I saw it in his back mirror, I knew he was just as excited as I was.Mom was nt there yet, she will be back soon.I am gona pick her up in dad's car, I am gona drive!
This is wot I want in life,at least this is wot I want for this holiday. Go to bed in mom n dad's arrms, n wake up wheneva I want, I get 2 decide wot I wana do today, relax n be myself. Dad is taking me 2 all da places I want 2 go, mom is back n takin me out 4 shopping, I get 2 c grandma everyday, I get 2 see my cousins everyday. I walked arnd parks wiz cousins another day, TaiYuan is freezing! But we took couple of photos, we laughed n had fun, so wot da hell. I love them. I havent had this kind of feeling 4 ages: always wake up really early in the morning, wondering wot I should do today, wot I have to do tmrow; always have to clean up, always have to pleaze ppl, always have to be careful. Thats more like a real life there, I have to plan, I have to face lots of things on my own, I wd miss sumone terriblely as I know I am so close 2 them, they mite be just arnd this corner, but I will neva get 2 say hi. But here I am--home, I can forget all that crap, I dont need a mobile here, nobody can find me if I dont want them 2, I get to talk 2 my close friends n my wonderful family.This is a friend n family time, all I can feel is love n trust.I feel safe, I feel on the ground, I feel I am loved. I love this feeling, the quiet n innocent happiness inside me.
I've bn having dreams lately, dreams bout sum ppl, bout ppl I havent seen 4 ages, ppl I dont really wana remember. I got this odd mixed feelings in my stomach. I woke up in a terribly pain. How can I forget all this ppl, how cum I cant forget this ppl? Wish I cd grab them out of my dreams , give em a big hug n tell em how I have felt all these days n yrs. But I guess I cant. There r ppl u can never say I luv u to, n ppl u can neva say I hate u to...It's a curse...How can I break it? Hey lady, you lady,cursing at your life
Hey BuoBuo, I dont know wot 2 say 2 u my dearly beloved brother. We grew up together. We always spent holidays together, we fought wiz each other, we cd make each other laugh. This time I came back..I am so happy 2 see u growin up to be a fine young man.Surprisingly, I found that we have so much in common. I guess I should have known it, we used to share a same bed and go to same places together. I would like to let u know that how proud of me 2 have a brother like u. You are doing great in many ways, plz dont be scared by those little obstacles. In our life there r so many things we have 2 learn. Like I told u..For a real person, a person wiz heart n soul. If he has neva suffered from great pain n serious setbacks, how cd he understand the beauty n wonder of life? Follow ur dream,do not let anything vacillate u. Plz remember treat ppl like the way u want 2 be treated. Always keep love n hope in ur heart. Keep an open mind. If sumone is different fr u, it doesnt mean he is bad or wrong.Forget n forgive. Be nice 2 ladies, youngs n elders. Be polite. Manners matter. Plz do remember I will always be there 4 u. Our family will always b there 4 u. We love u. Plz look after urself n our family if u come bk on holiday, I will b waiting 4 u at the other side of the world. 1. I have bn back to uni for 2 weeks; I think I’d better put a full stop here. I didn't cry when I left China this time, well at least nt as bad as I cd be. I tried to not think about leaving. I tried to take it as this was another dream, then it was morning, I had to get up n go back to uni. Rang mom after I got back, she said she cried. After dropping me at the airpot, they went home to clean my bedroom. She cried in front of an empty bed.
2. I keep telling myself, I have got to let things go, there are some ppl that I should neva wait for. I promised myself, this is a new yr, do not look back. I thought I was doing great till I ran into u again. I cdnt look into your eyes, I was afraid my eyes mite tell the secrets that I have bn trying really hard to keep. I cdnt even smile at u and at that moment I knew I was lying to myself all this time. If I didn't hesitate to pick up the phone, if I didn't turn arnd when I saw you, if I didn't wonder how u gona get home in a very hot day, if I didn't feel that horrible pain when I closed my eyes, if I didn't fall into awfully silent every time I think of u, I guess I wdnt know I still cant let you go.
3. I remember that sleepless night when we sat by candle lights. Outside of the window, a world was made of snow. A million snowflakes whirled down. I closed my window, stood by your side and listened to the music of silent winter night. Comments (4)
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