10/11/07

I wana remember that bottle of perfume,the quiet blue colour and the quiet blue smell.

I wana remember the colour of that lipstick,n the shape of your necklace.

I wana remember how I laughed my head off wen I watched Friends,n I cried my eyes out wen I finished the last page of that book. 

I wana remember a big tree in front of a lovely house,it has lots of leaves n lots of flowers.

I wana remember that firework I went to last yr,and I lost my flag on that day.

I wana remember the butterfly on the wall,the lemon in the tree.

I wana remember the smile, that light up the rest of my lousy day.

I wana remember that lill balcony when I drove pass another day, a BBQ was sitting up there silently.

I wana remember Avril Lavigne,Shakespeare,Rabindranath Tagore,Audrey Hepburn,Green Day,Sarah Brightman n Enya.

I wana remember how u looked straight into my eyes when u turned around to c me, that tells me ur a soft person inside.

I wana remember the feeling I had wen I 1st talked 2 u,I am sure I stoped breathing for 5 mins.I also wana remember it was a beautiful beautiful day.

I wana remember the song I listened 2 evry time I think of u. I wana remember how it made me cry.

I wana remember the moment I saw u and also a bird was diving in the sky.

I wana remember how they made me feel n wot they have taught me.

I wana remember your boots, your hair n your lill bag.

I wana remember how i promissed myself nevr give up on my faith and how I changed my faith.

I wana remember how much I have loved u, but nt any more, n how bad I feel bout it.

I wana remember evrythin b4 I forget them,I wana carve them in my heart n I wana rememebr why.

15/11/07

We can fall in love with someone with a simplest reason, he smiles when he is looking at sky; she is beautiful when she doesn’t talk. I love a pair of glasses; a watch with bubbly colour on it. And I love your teeth. They r simply different, they are special. I know I might have made another stupid decision, but hey guess what? That was exactly what I wanted at the moment. This was my choice again, if I get hurt again, u guys plz don’t forget to remind me what I said today. I am nt gona blame anyone but myself. That was my choice.

I admire those ppl with dreams, those who know wot they want in life and be able to stand up for themselves and follow the dream. I dont care wot others say, I asked myself, if someone likes Shakespeare… how bad can this person be?I don’t care how other ppl c me, I don’t care how others think of u, I know I would be more than happy 2 believe that u r a nice person and sensitive soul.

Dont wana sound like a nasty fuck cos I am sure not. But plz jst F off if u r gona judge me in a malicious way. I’d rather hurt myself than others, I cant do anything is only because I care too much, if u cant c that, I cd nt give a shit about what u say. But for those who really care bout me, I am most appreciative wen u guys start to worry about me. Thx 4 standing by my side n remind me the truth very now n then, thx for ur understanding n supports. Thx 4 lending me a shoulder 2 cry on.lol. Thx 4 evrything u have bn doing for me. But u tell me wot  I cd do at this stage? So please do not say anything any more, jst let me hide for a while, jst let me sit down 4 a while. After all, that is the person I love, and how can I blame the one I love?

I posted a card without an address, who is gona get this card and who is gonathrow it away n  tear it apart ? Life makes you wonder.

02/12/07

I cd nt sleep last nite, had 2 get up at 3am n got myself a drink. Jst wanted 2 chill,relax.

I am so tired lately,physically n mentally.I cant stop thinking,about ppl,about life,about you, about family,about myself. Dogs bark, so do ppl.Dogs bite, so do ppl.They betray ur trust, they twist the truth, they just wana win. Watched a cartoon called "Bronze",a heart broken story. When H looked at Q,he said" I was always alone, always standing by myself..till I met u"... "I didnt know I had so many tears in me...b4 I met u","I dont wana get hurt, but I dont wana leave u either." I didnt know I wd still be able to cry so much for such a simple reason, stupid reason,woteva u say...I didnt know I still cd nt act like a "grown up adult",I cd nt stop weeping jst as I cd nt stop thinkin. I cd nt help but feeling sad.I cd nt help wiz the tears running out, they ran out of my eyes...quietly..ran into my ears,into my mouth..bitter...They were ur secret lovers, whispering by ur ear and telling you how difficult life can be and how brave you have to be 2 deal wiz it. Got on the internet, sum mates were still up, they were supurised that I got on so late."wots wrong..tell me","nothing..really,just too hot." I am nt happy but wot can I say 2 u? and wot can we do? "Nothing...really"...but my heart...my heart hurts...